Hmm saturday aft wrk went to meet Hubby at.. erm.. Bukit Merah?
shit keep forgetting what's that place called. damn.

anyways the place where he service his bike de.. opp Queenstown shopping centre. yea.

so after that we headed back to my place suppose to meet Sean n Guang for movie... but later decided not to watch a movie.. instead go play snooker. haha..

so went went to safra tampines. got a table and started the game. Sean, Guang n hubby played first.. i watched.. FUN! whole lot of snooks and FUNNY ACTIONS AND FUNNY BALLS.. ALOT OF MISSES AND ALOT OF LAUGHTER..

haaa... super fun.. shoudl have this kinda outing more often.. hehe... anyways...
after that we headed to Tamp Mall for dinner.. Yin joined us at TM.
had teppanyaki.. yums..
loves.

bought mooncakes for ah ma.. mama.. and mum..
spent alot. =(
hubby paid for mum's one.. =)

den we headed to mama hse to pass her mooncakes. stayed awhile.. found a reason and slipped away asap. LoLx.. nothing to say also.. anyways.. realised i din buy mooncakes for mama.. as in godma mama.. haix.. mayb later. c how.

headed back home to watch soccer. haha.. so many matches on going at the same time.. slpy..
hubby accompany me watch also.. whole day spent at my hse.. Happy. =)

midnight liddat headed home.. yawns.. vry fast we reach home liao.. cos hubby know i tired. den rush home so i can cont to slp.
sho sweet.. but i got tell him dun ride dangerously..
cos i dun like. n he remembered. haa..

hmm.. sunday woke up at 915am.. cos having my thing den stomach pain. CMI.
cnt slp.
decided to get up n bathe.
feel better liao.. watch Ai Qing Hotel. hahaha..
funny.. wake hubby up at 11am.. still slacking on bed.
nonsense. manage to disturb him wake up. haha..
cos got lunch at Bedok at 12pm with ah ma n family.
Ah gu's treat. win 4d. haha

reached there abt 12.05pm. everyone was there...
eh no. kok's family last to arrive. lalalalalala...
hmm.. ate 8course lunch. damn full. headed back to my hse..
supposedly wanna chiong back home de. cos papa wanna play MJ.
In the end hubby say they going out. so no one at home..

so i call kok n jio guang play MJ. faster come over n MJ. haha.
hubby called KK. so they played.
suppose i play de. then cos my luck bu hao... den hubby play lo. still lose S$10 in the end.

haha.. hmm.. after that they watched tv. me , yin, kok, and guang went to play badminton downstairs. wah damn long no play liao.. abit rusty. ahhaha..
sweat like shit.

anyways after that kok treat us eat KFC dinner. lalala.. cos he won ma..
after dinner, went to Iluma to watch 4bia 2. ewh.. scary show..
hubby den catch a nice big cake for me to bring office. hahaha..
also a dog for Tian. hmm.. decided to head home early..
hubby tio summon cos he park along pavement.. he like sad sad..
haix.. i feel also upset.

nevertheless.. we enjoyed the day..

monday work lo.. after work hubby came pick me..
went to pay bike instalment and headed home liao.

tired. hubby slpet thru till nxt morning. i joined him at abt 8plus.. all din have dinner..

was super hungry. haha. tuesday hubby also came to pick me from work. headed home.
suppose wanted to go malasia pump petrol. in the end, john not free.

so. this morning den pump lo.. yawnz.. getting back to work liao. haha...

=P

Woo.. after big quarrel, things seem to be a little less tension and more.. relationship based now..

weird. but nevermind that..

hmm last night went JB pump petrol. met up with John. for almost 2 yrs liao. ever since he intro XJ to me, we haven seen each other for the longest time. LOLX..

im talking rubbish liao..
*shake heads.*

anyways.. ltr going to meet Xj at bukit merah there.. he going to service his bike..
after which, going to buy mooncake.. go home take ATM card first. LOLX..
in the other bag.. -.- blurr me.. as usual..

woots. salary in! yea!!! this mth must save... =(

feel damn broke. LOLX.

it was tough.

but with help and encouragement from Freidns whu really care..

i'm ok.

Thanks guys....!!

=)

crying now. shit.

hate the feeling of crying.. cnt stop. tears rolling voluntarily..

anyone knows hw to stop your tears from flowing??

sighs.. sobx.. *sniffs*

1yr7mths and 2days.
this is how long my forever lasted.
this is how far we've come and the road must end somewhere..
just that this time it did not end with "till death do us part"

like many other times.. im a failure. i myself look down upon myself.

i just wanna stay in the dark. whr no one can see me.. or my tears.. or my ugly face.. or my fat body and my ugly self...

yawns.. last night slpet abt 1am.. cos was watching Anastasia with Sylvie.. den slpt till abt 545am i woke up liao.. haha.. sensitive my mum's door open den tot she gonna wake me up.. actually she's going to airport.. haha. going China Shanghai..

Fly off this morning coming back on the 22nd.

ate full lunch.. feeling slpy liao.. haha...

later going to Marianne's church wedding rehearsals.. haha.. quite excited that my batch pple getting marrie dand having kids.. =)
Congrats Marianne!! haha.. wish you and your hubby blissful and blessed marriage..
Stanley dun bully Marianne wor.. haha.. must give in 90-95% LOLX.

=X

Sat after work went to Lynn's hse to bake the cookies thingy... den KK came to pick me to go back play MJ. haha.. won S$17.00.

Woots.. at night went to "Seven" a new club opening at Iluma Bugis...

there was a long queue outside. even with the privelege card, we also gotta queue.. haaa. reached there abt 10pm plus plus.. almost 11pm. nxt time go earlier. haaa.. so queue abt half an hour den finally, our turn to enter. woots! hmmm.. walked in officially for the first time..

The Place.....
ok, place seems nice.. sofa seats all taken..*thinks: nxt week must book.* they have a rather big dance floor(for a club that size..) many round table 'standing' seats were also available. there are also seat near the bar.. ther's 3 pool tables.. all priced at S2.00 per game. you know those put in coin then push the balls will come out de....hmm still gt wad.. oh got like 6-8 electronic dart machines.. cool eh, no wonder the arcade nxt door selling the dart butts. haa.

Music....
love the music there.. kinda old sch and nice R&B. =) mixed with trance and a lil house.. reminds me of the times when i use to club at MS(mohammed sultan) hahahaa...

Drinks....
sooo F expensive. a glass of housepour is like S$12.00. a jug of draft beer(Carlsberg) is like S$36.00. a jug of housepour is S$45.00 and with juice is S$50.00. OMG.. super ex. haaa.. open bottle (Chivas Regal) is S$138.00. got another dunno wad vodka, big n long bottle de is S$238+ i think. lolx cnt rmbr.. so they were having this promo.. DBS/POSB cards get 1for1. housepour glass only at S$12.00 each. meaning S$6.00 a glass lo.. but must pay via your cards.

Crowd....
hmm.. very young crowd, like ranging from 18 to 21? some army guys were there. those just enlisted de. u noe? botak botak type... haaa.. hmm also got alot of young girls like POLY/ITE kinda girls.. some i spotted near the bar was those with spending power, probably 24-27.. surrounded by a few young cute looking girls.. heee..

the dancing started ard 1130pm+++ we sat there drinking a lil.. played a little, yongsheng and yaoren came liao.. they also sat ard and drink. they played pool. then we went to the dance floor.. haa.. not very crowded bah.. compared to Zouk/St James.. really no space to turn type.. hmm so we clubbed till ard 2am coming 3 den headed home.. yawns.. tired ma.. hehe..

Sunday wake up, ate lunch, iron clothes, pluck the corn and played MJ. haha lose S$20.00 =( nvr you win some you lose some right? hahaha.. so anyways broke. haix sianx.

time is moving so slowly.. partly cos i finish declaring my permits for nxt week's shipments... erm.. finish making payents.. ensuring all the documents are in place... etc etc etc..

Well aft wrk going to Jurong pass Ah Poh docs.. den go Bukit Gombak to Lynn's hse.. hehe.. bake the cornflakes cookies.. for HariRaya.. but i just go for fun la.. its not like i'm celebrating it or wad.. 0.o hmm..

den head home to BP. cos laogong haven had lunch.. mum out for work today early. thus leaving poor fatty at home with the 2 fatty hamsters.. haaa. tian wud have her own programme like asking her bf out for lunch etc etc etc..

well.. last week big quarrel with XJ.. returned him the ring.. haa.. sianx. dun feel like carrying on sthg tt is like wasting my time cos ultimately we're back in sq 1.. den Mon we better liao... hmm.. he made me wear back the ring.. dun wanna quarrel, so i did... feel diff this time wearing it.. hmm i duno...

den out appears Derrick... LOLx... this 23yr old guy, sign on AirForce, drives his own car, no deep impression guy. haaa.. =X but seriously.. i dun really recall which derrick tho...

he IM me on MSN and started conversation. at first i tot is Derrick BB derrick u noe?? cos in my STM memory, i only know this derrick.. so he says he's from RP derrick. i was like "OH!.. who?" haaa den added him on FB.. saw his photo.. frens with john.. etc.. OH!! i noe which derrick liao.. keke.. IT security class. same as John. haaa.. but just cos i always talk to John. nvr reli notice Derrick..

now he's doing good.. sign on AirForce.. like good physique from photos.. like nice tan.. like ok person. and he's friends with Neo Haoyi. Surprise.... hahaha.. same..eh.. wad e word.. erm.. mental block. cnt recall wad's e word. basically is army same jiu dui ler. LOLxx..

So he comes into the picture sms me.. being nice and all.. sweet and cute.. den he's 23. 1986.

dots.. haha.. i duno.. not looking out for anyone as of yet.. just frens i kinda good fer me now.. haa...

What shud i do.. what is the right way out? who can tell me what i shud do..??

im sad.. so sad.. feel like crying.. control tears.. dun let it flow..

hate this feeling.. so tired.. really tired...

sitting in the office, tears flowing on and off.. cant help but recall wad happen last night.. feeling super down.. make it worse, today came in office not feeling well.. vomitting and headache.

sighs... i dunno wad to do.. im confused.. sad..

i dun like to be sad.. takea alot of energy to be sad.. but being happy generates energy..

i dun like to be sad.. i dun like to cry.. but i'm a crybaby.. cannot control..

sighs..

i'm stressed. haaa. i don;t know if i really am.. erms.. or am i just worrying too much??

LOVE....
He's an Asshole as usual..with a capital "A" damn pissed off.. sometimes feel like i've made the wrong choice...wrong priorities.. wrong judgement..

FAMILY...
I know you pple don't like him, but ever spare a thought for me? i'm stuck in between. both also nvr spare a thought for me. what you want me to do? split half?


************************************************
THOUGHT::
i choose to act blur and feign ignorance.. i keep to myself. i cant tell him off, neither can i tell them off.. this feeling's eating me up.. when i think of it i lose slp. i cnt eat right. my shoulders get stiff.. feel like just forgoing everything.. and i mean EVERYTHING.
************************************************
FRIENDS..
I know there's disapproval and "you deserve better" kinda comments.. but they are the most supportive among all.. All try to be there for me instead of against my wishes and keep saying bad stuff abt him.. support when at work.. gatherings.. dinner.. fun.. Marianne's wedding... No matter what i love you guys.. always there for me.. *huggies*

WORK....
Everything is slowing down.. my workload also not as fast paced as before.. but rush hour still there... don't know if its a gd sign or bad sign..

MONEY...
When will cash start flowing in SMOOTHLY? the key word here is SMOOTHLY.... haix.. i dunno..

yesterday i just read a story so meaningful abt choices in life... i feel like i've made all the wrong ones..... sobx....