hmm.. just received letter from HDB.. my long awaited ans regarding my grant.. I've manage to get it! 30K..!! haha divided equally between me n baobei.. so 15K each will be deposited into our CPF account...

at first happy to see this news... ltr.. erms.. abit.. you yu.. you know?? hahha.. like stuck in between.. leads back to the qns.. the way im leading my life now.. is this how i wanna live it for the rest of my life... or will things change?? for the better or the worst...?? now money is an issue to us.. in future will it be better or worst??

Wedding vows go something like "in sickness and in health, for better or for worse...till death do us part..." something liddat lar.. haha.. hmmm...

confused... now still waiting for another letter to inform us the date to go down to sign the agreement for lease... after i sign this, i pay the first 5% downpay via CPF (cos got grant).. den... if anything happens from now till the time we get married... haix.. mafan.. dun wan think liao...

need to go withdraw monay.. pay mama for the 4d tmr. LOLx... think shun pian go eat smthg...

HUNGRY!! Sobxx.. T.T

2-0 Barcelona takes the championship spot..

Disappointing match by Man U as usual... Cristiano Ronaldo flopped like a chicken and the rest were just flustered.. Barcelona on another hand had many great shots at the goal.. took the chance, made it happen. Their passing was super too... of cos cannot compare with Liverpool... *Gerrard is sooo CUTE*

Oya, speaking of which, Liverpool is coming to Singapore~!!! OMG.. Liverpool VS Singapore Team.. total mismatch.. i wanna go~~~ but laogong dun wan go.. damn Longwei.. he'll be going.. den keep reminding me he'll be seeing Gerrard.. haha.. me wanna see cutie too.. HAHHA.. but laogon dun wanna go den ok la.. den dun go lor.. bo bian..

Hmm.. suppose tmr going Movida with Lynn, Tommy, Weeming and Eric. Jio mum go too with Carol, Eeling etc.. but looks like going to cancel ler.. cos Lynn got no green light from husband.. her sister in law bdae tmr also.. LOLx... so happening...

Fiona bday coming too... Sabrina suggest go K tonight.. i boring(tired) lehs.. woke up at 245am to watch the match of the century sia. duno why my delete button cnt work now.. sianx duno what i press lehs.. haha..

Talk abt this morning.. KNS i wake up to find the bloody SCV not working~!! MUM forgot to pay the bill they cut the service at 12pm!! wtf.. i went coffeeshop to watch match lor.. squeeze with smoking uncles and rude maads.. (malay bengs) OMG.. but i got over it and manage to catch the match i'm excited to watch hehe..

Now looking forward to Chelsea VS Everton.. think what's the outsome ne??

This morning so tired.. almost dozed off on the bike.. but scared get scolded so nvr slp slp ZZzz.. hmm this mornign reach office. the most qi ji thing happen. my boss intercom me tell me salary in liao.. i stunn.. haha.. i just orh.. then he put down the phone... o.o duno why he gd mood today arh. or needed someone to bitch with no one in office yet.. hahaha aiya. he old man. need to talk to someone de.. i understand... hahahahahhaaaaa...

anyways.. lynn on leave today.. so me alone.. not much time to blog.. yesterday wanted to upload my photos to facebook.. but lagging lyk shit sia.. angry~~ :@

oya.. baobei sms me this morning.. he say

"oh deardear forgot to tell u... recently you like more pretty..."

HAHAHHA~~!!!*rolling*

my reply

"? why leh? last time not pretty la... -.- how come working suddenly say this?"

He say cos forgot.. -.- play game until can forget to compliment your own gf.. oh sad.. hahahaha.. i duno.. he crazy de.. tt's y i say he happy happy give u sweet sweet.. not happy den give u emo... hahaha... tt's my laogong lor..

oya Friday colleagues going to St James Movida... hahaha go chill lo.. i tell him he say cannot... -.- haix.. sped time with my colleagues like got wrong sia...

when going to play MJ again.. hands itchy liao.. haha.. KK larr... super buay on....

Hmm.. updating my photos.. OMG.. sianx.. the uploader so slow.. like lagging...

anyways.. laogong snoring so loud just now.. he is reli tired.. still stay awake in the middl of night to play game.. fight boss.. crazy fella...

haix.. anyways still uploading photos.. ltr pple.. toodles.

Hmm.. this morning, i've decided that it is better to be loved than to be in love.. all works out to nothing more than just being carefree and enjoying life..

so i'm just gonna lead my life the way it leads me to be.. i dun wanna force against nature of will i do anything else that will hurt this future.. haha.. general picture.. =)

Doots.. duno wad i talking abt liao.. anyways wetn swimming ytd with Laogong(XJ), Tian(XJ's Sis), Ting Ting(their cousin) and mama(XJ's mum).. haha.. went to 3rd aunt's(Xj's aunt) condo to swim.. hehe.. wah damn long nvr swim liao.. surprised i still rmbr how to do so.. LOLx...

hmm ima busy this morning.. blog ltr.. =)

Wahaha.. new skin.. hehe..

Nice ma nice ma?? keke.. i love this skin.. reminds me to SMILEssssss.....

Hmm... i think my manager crazy agn.. screaming.. hahaha..

so bored otday i actually got time to change blog skin.. hehe good news.. that skin like been ard for ages.. time for a new look anyways... haha.. hmm actually is change bf then change blog look de.. but this time no change bf lehs.. haha.. mayb changed in thinking bahx.. tt y need a new look to suit me~!!!

hehe.. ok.. back to acting busy liao.=D

Hehe.. just got back from lunch wor.. so full.. so tired.. so bored... hurhur..

Lynn shared with me her story when she was younger.. before she got married.

That time she was still a manager in Macdonalds.. there's this guy whu likes her and to get to know her.. went the the macs there to apply for floor manager position.. haha.. then tt time Lynn interview him.. he made her laugh.. sho sweet.. but tt time Kai (lynn's husband currently) also wooing her.. then this guy (erm we'll call him "A"). A rides a scrambler.. lynn's fav type of transport. haha but she nvr once took his ride home. one thing cos he's not her type. just no feel you know? once she was on duty, he came down and bought delifrnace for her. he said"just thot u might be sick and tired of macs food, so here's something different for a change" she din noe what to say. he left. another time he came down with chocolates and said"you looko tired.. i bought some chocolates for you to boost energy.." but they were nvr tgt.. her reason being he's not her type. then one day he had to go away for a long time.. he bought a yelow soccer ball and wrote how he felt towards her all over the ball.. he put it in a ball net and tied it with a ribbon. it was so sweet.... but they were nvr tgt.. no chance given cos she said. not her type.

then i ask her.. if you could turn back time to do it all over again would you have chosen kai or A?
she said. she will choose A. cos it's better to be loved.. then to be in love. because being in love, you become more vulnerable to hurts from the man you love.. whereas, when you're being loved.. you just enjoy being loved by the man whu loves you deep deep...

very smart idea.. but not much pple can do that can they? when one day i can do that, i know whu to look for. hahaha.. the not my type kinda guy. LOLs....

Lolx.. last night wetn sakae for dinner again.. they ordered big big big big bowls of ramen.. OMG.. so full liao i see them eat like this.. sianx... anyways.. then after tt KK send me go XJ house.. hehe paiseh he had to wait so long den travel up n down. haha.. hope he manage to get his chocolate milk last night.. =)

Wonder how is everyone nowadays.. trying to arrange a meet up with Marie & Bridget soon.. hhaa.. so much catching up to do... how is everyone in their lives... past, present, future.. today work not very busy.. finish my permits and payments..did some invoicing also.. then filing.. now.. abit bored.. and feeling slpy... tired...

last night went to laogong's hse to pass him ba zhang... ah ma make de.. uber nice k.. haha.. but so fatty and oily.. LOLx... anyways.. then we were watching bleach.. ooh.. until super tired lo.. haha... i sit there my eyes going to say goodbye liao..

oya.. dresses i bought from vintage online blog, is still not here!! OMG.. had to pay freaking GST.. haha... hmm den must pay $0.30 more for each dress.. aiya.. small matter.. haix.. sianx.. just must wait really long...

hmm just now bored.. then reading friend's blog.. saw this old blog post from Sharon's Blog... it says something like this..

"dear lord in heaven hear my prayer..
i pray for everyone's safety.. i please you help me get rid of all my unhappiness.. i dun wan any memories of him.. i wan that to be erased as soon as possible.. pls bless me.. i wan happiness.. i need someone that will shower me with all the love".. the care and the happiness.. i promise i will treasure this time.. AMEN!"

I think Lord heard your prayer babe.. learn to treasure..not everyone has your luck.. haha.. sighs.. talking abt prayers, i haven been going to church for like abt 2yrs plus ler.. OMG.. sinful.. miss service.. cell.. and my favourite pastor!! his sermons are the most enjoyable.. and the best parts is i lean stuff and rmbr what he says... haha.. sighs.. nvr see him liao.. den feeling lost in my religious directions... hmm..

Christians.. VS.. Buddhism.. Vs.. Free Thinker.. haha.. are we even allowed to choose??

Last night went Sakae for dinner.. after which went to see cuihui.. she meeting with her part-time Ally... they going to watch movie... Angels & Demons.. LOLx i watched liao.. so not interested.

Night at the Museum 2 this Friday.. Asked XJ if he cfm ma.. he say dun wan. cos nowadays he need to work OT everyday must at least clock 12hrs. say he rather go home slp.. i tell him i dun think so lo.. Friday night lehs. he where got slp de sia.. haix.. dun talk abt it.. kek xim arh.. sighs.. he's reason being at home play game no need do anything.. watch movie must go out and travel so far somemore... -.- i nothing to say liao..

trying my best to keep this relationship going.. but he.. i duno.. trying very hard to tear this perfect picture up... sianx.. yesterday i also suggested i go his place.. dun go out. cos he say tired ma. finish work late last night.. then he say dun need. then i ask him again.. he say dun wan. T.T haix.. Emo.. why my bf liddat.. haix.. summore wanna get HDB liao.. wanna commit liao. den he chu this type of pattern.. OMG.. suddenly sia.....

i sms him say i give up liao. he wan meet den call me. dun wan call den forget it.. sianx..

i'm tired. one yr plus into the relationship, i get this kinda treatment... cannot imagine after marriage... sighs..

Last night went party world with colleagues.. hehe.. Cuihui came along.. pei me.. haha.. wah lau so called practising for the Sunday Audition of dun forget the lyrics chinese version...

OMG. disaster.. haha.. alot of old song i duno.. sobx.. =X

haha.. hmm miss my bbaobei.. hais.. poor deardear.. must start to do OT liao.. cos his colleague's wife going to give birth ler.. taking leave to look aft wife.. haha.. *sayangs* hmm hungry.. feel like having long johns... haha.. oh oh i bought magazines today!! Simply.Her, Womes's Weekly and 8days.. hehe.. later lunch can read... so tired liao.. thinking of gg BP tonight. duno lehs.. duno if wanna go anot... haix..

Time flies.. coming to the end of May liao... sighs.. i'm growing older!!!! SOBX!!!

Last night met up with cuihui, amelia, Qian for dinner.. we went for Fish & Co.. yea~ been craving for it for quite some time ler.. haha.. i wa sat tamp as early as 630pm.. cuihui late.. still stuck at the doctors.. so i walk walk ard lo. tt Amelia Tan.. say 7pm finish tuition, but nvr call me. call her or sms her nvr reply..

so i walk aimlessly ard T1.... TM...Century.. Boring.. even went to Sharon house downstairs to walk walk.. saw tailoring shop, went in to ask if they could alter my jeans for me and i collect immediately? the uncle so nice. ask me go buy a bottom so i can change out for him to alter the jeans for me (cos i was wearing it) haha...

anyways so i was walking ard whilst waiting for the jeans to be done, i saw this stall selling very interesting thing. can put your photo in like a bear.. hmm.. tonight got chance den upload. haha.. pls refer to fb. ty.

oya oya. shocking news.. Marie also in the Logistics line... OMG i din noe.. goes to show how lost of touch i am. aha.. sianed.. so trying to arrange a meeting with her lo.. Bridget too.. haaa... hmm sian tonight no one pei me again.. maybe meeting cuihui for dinner... duno qian can make it anot.. haix.. sianed arh~!!!!!!!!! *shouts.....*

i din make up today. haha.. think must look like shit.. maybe later den go toilet powder myself.. tonight i wanna go TM there to do the doll picture thingy.. haha. fri den pass to him lo.. bo bian.. hmm.. thinking.. what else did i forget.. oya.. then after dinner we went to starbucks.. sit ard talk talk.. suddenly kk call me. stun. he ask wanna go out anot cos xj ask him call me.. so he came pick me.. we sent amelia home.. talked alot in the car after amelia left..

im still clueless btw... haha... i duno.. sian... see how things go bah..

i'm tired.. not only physically.. but also mentally... feel like disappearing.. can?

haha...

He's going home to maple..i cnt stop thinking abt the fact that i called him to ask if he wanna have dinner tgt.. cos tonight is anniversary.. altho not big date but still it's 1yr 3mths liao..

the answer i get from him is not free. got thing to do at home. maple that is.. ima disappointed.. any other day he chose his game over me.. i "ren".. on this day he choose that fucking game over me..

my last straw.. Mr Ang. I got to choose for my own future. I dun wish to live my life that you'll choose soccer game or computer games over an anniversary dinner. if you dun think it's too much, den best of luck to the nxt girl.

Speechless, heartbroken, disappointed.

Cry..

Today again in lousy mood... feeling down..

today is a special day. but special someone got date with Asiasoft.. OMG my life is pathetic.. how did i wind up here?? haix.. how do i move on.. how do i decide from here.....? haix... can God tell me how? can my friends tell me how? dun wanna be alone today.. but left with no choice...

Friends not free.. xj going home to maple.. makes the the bottom of the earth..

i think i'm depressing.. Depression. how is it like?? i dunno.. need help..

Pathetic life...

went to watch movie at TM last night with Sean, Sylvie, mum and Uncle tommy. watched Angels and Demons. love the show. although i knew that Camerlengo was bad cos he had an evil face.. acting all noble and all.. just a part of his "evil" plan.. haha..


Haix.. he's one confused fella... i din quite get the ending tho.. what's the point of burning himself?? Lolx.. the irony of saying the prayer and asking for acceptance of GOD after all that he's done... the plotting and scheming, murdering the pope, planning the killing of the 4 selected pope-to-be candidate.. lucky last one saved by Tom hanks... so he was crowned Pope in the end anyway..

Hais.. look forward to Night At the Museum 2!! hehe.. cannot wait for it to open lehs...

Hmm.. Wee Ming jio me go join the Chinese Don't Forget The Lyrics.. OMG.. i duno if i'm really gonna go ahead with it.. but i guess ya.. why not.. go :play play" lo.. quoting wei ming.. =X OMG i still dun believe i got talked into this.. my song range very selective.. plus old songs ima not so sure... den the crowd.. the embarrassment.. the nervousness.. OMG!!! so help me god Zzz..

Haix.. work has been sian-ed.. relationed also sian-ed.. everything ard me is sian-ed.. i think ima going to enter depression sia. hahaha... Lols.. if depression is the ans.. oh might as well be.. otherwise ima clueless... haha.. anyway great match last night with Chelsea and Blackburn.. Liverpool match also gd.. but the man u match was so.. urgh!! haha damn irritating that Ronaldo.. Love Ryan Giggs.. haha.. Chelsea's Gerrad's cute too!! =X

Anyways.. thoughts for another time.. kinda got to work ler.. ZzzZzz..

Missing him.. doubt he knows.. dun think he'll ever get it... that's wads so sian-ed.. haix...
cnt imagine ima going to live the rest of my life liddat.. sucks big time.. but we dun have control of how our life's gonna be.. just have to suck it up and just march forward.. when the time comes to make a decision, i know i'll make the right one..

*thinks.....*

Feeling so angry whole morning.. So angry with my creature manager aka Gugu(Aunt).. pissed off... eveything must point finger at other pple de.. so sianx.. I got screamed at, Eric got screamed at.. the best part is she say my transporter claim that the cargo is bare unit of glas.. which actually isn't lo.. she kick up a whole big fuss abt how can we take bare units and all to clear. how can pass to ah teo.. BUT!!! the BL reflects 2 wooden cases lo.. so angry.. after lunch i called HK Awards, co loader. she told me it is not bare unit. it is cased!!! WTF!!! and im thinking, she nvr get the black n white info, how can she anyhow scold pple...?? make me cry in the morning sia.. too stressed.... hais... bcz she my aunt, i respect her.. nvr shout or quarrel with her.. dammit... feel so indignified.....

Lynn is on urgent leave today.. in the morning alot of calls.. SIA cargo got damaged... out of 300 ctns, 20 ctns torn.. she also ake noise.. machiam my fault... haix.... SIAN AR~!!!!

Really lousy day at work..... hmm..... dun wanna be alone tonight.. feeling so lousy mood... wanted to meet that mr ang.. called him ard 3plus coming 4pm.. ask if he wanna meet. he say see how. call me back.. den abt 430 call him again.. guess what he doing?? Boss... then he ask me meet 6plus can? wait for him.. i already having damn damn lousy day at work.. wanna leave 530pm on the dot. den he still suggest ask me OT... haix.. i super dulan lo.. den i told him forgt it la.. later 520pm call again.. say meet him at 7pm.. vivo.... i did not bring my hp out.. and i duno wth i'm gonna do from now till then.. tell him i dun wanna stay at work.. den he lose temper say aiya dun meet la.. KNS. Fuck. Hate asiasoft...

He and his stupid game.. so Fucking impt! feel lagi shit.. lousy mood.. no one to cheer me up..
feel like crying... even blogging isnt enuff to vent out all my frustration....

i duno what he wants in life.. i'm not asking him to spend money when with me.. i'm not asking him for alot.. at least i feel... all i need is someone to be physically and mentally ard.. when i sit with him in the same room i dun feel his presence... i dun feel like i even exist.. transparent. all in his eyes is his game, boss, duku, and shop for equipment.. every week i'm at his place.. the main reason why i choose to go there after work so that he doesnt have to travel to tampines oh so often, save petrol. save time, takes abt 45mins to travel to tamp and back. scared he's tired.. scared troublesome.. stay at his place also means i get to spend quality time with him.. see him, feel him, at the same time i wish he's see me, feel me too... i duno if he sees me.. or just when he chooses to?

time to time he's so sweet and loving.. then later suddenly all gone.. i duno.. im confused...

boils down to that qns.. do i wanna live like that for the rest of my life?

I'm tired.. i wanna dissappear. Can?